O.k. so the final phone call with Mikki is over. When I last saw her she said that "we should talk sometime." Silly me that made me think that she wanted to talk, and probably soon. After not calling her out of some level of spite and "she's gotta call me first" mojo I decided that was somewhat childish and sent her and email explaining the situation. She called me and basically explained that she didn't have anything specific to talk about and her statement was more of a "if you need to talk to me go ahead" type of thing. Well don't I feel like an idiot.
We talked for a bit and then she had to leave, I didn't say bye because I wasn't sure of what type of goodbye to give. Here's why:
I know the way that I work well enough to know that I'm not great at keeping in touch with people (mental note write a card to my cousins), especially ex-girlfriends. Since I was the dumped one in this scenario, I'm the one left with the "what went wrong" feeling, which means that I can't really talk with her without being reminded of what once was and wondering why it isn't anymore. This is all shit that will go away with time. Enter problem 1, I don't know how long, or where I will be when this all washes, and until then it is painful to be in touch with Mikki, so how are we going to be in touch down the road, after addresses and numbers have changed?
She asked why I was so quiet and I told her. That's when in sunk in for her that by breaking up she had drastically changed the relationship, in more ways than she had thought. She was prepared for the usual, we won't go to movies, won't make out stuff. But she hadn't queued into the, when life moves on for either one of us, the other might not be around anymore. So then there was a long conversation that basically ended with an understanding that odds are we will never speak again, but she wants to be able to get in touch with me if something huge happens like her Mom dies. I'm not sure how that is going to work.
So odds are pretty good that we will never speak again. I've destroyed all but two pictures, deleted her from my phone and palm, destroyed pretty much everything that reminds me of her. Stll I feel relatively unsatistfied and I think it is because I wanted a chance to explain to her how wrong she was/is or at least the hurt that I've been through. That's a common thing I think, the human condition or something like that, to want to explain your feelings. Anyway, since that eluded me I'm sort of stuck with it now. I'll probably end up calling Mark and talking to him about it.
In other news: I got the ram for Halo, holy shit that is a fun game. I can see why people get so thrown into FPS games. I'm probably going to play after I am done here.
I'm going to stop by Orlando and see Bo en route to nationals (I might have already posted that). Right now the trip encludes me, Jason, Martha, and LPS. It should be a great trip and hopefully I'll get into Disneyworld for free. It should also be great because Bo is a great person who I love spending time with. I'm kind of hoping that I can Bo alone some so that we can talk about this Mikki thing some. Bo is a very religous person, yet has a sightly different take on things. Ican't explain it well because I've never asked him too much. But he is very level headed and helpful some hopefully he'll and some light and catharsis to the situation.
More posts to come soon as I see how things are going in Colorado wish me luck (all of the 1 people that read this thing, anyway)
M
We talked for a bit and then she had to leave, I didn't say bye because I wasn't sure of what type of goodbye to give. Here's why:
I know the way that I work well enough to know that I'm not great at keeping in touch with people (mental note write a card to my cousins), especially ex-girlfriends. Since I was the dumped one in this scenario, I'm the one left with the "what went wrong" feeling, which means that I can't really talk with her without being reminded of what once was and wondering why it isn't anymore. This is all shit that will go away with time. Enter problem 1, I don't know how long, or where I will be when this all washes, and until then it is painful to be in touch with Mikki, so how are we going to be in touch down the road, after addresses and numbers have changed?
She asked why I was so quiet and I told her. That's when in sunk in for her that by breaking up she had drastically changed the relationship, in more ways than she had thought. She was prepared for the usual, we won't go to movies, won't make out stuff. But she hadn't queued into the, when life moves on for either one of us, the other might not be around anymore. So then there was a long conversation that basically ended with an understanding that odds are we will never speak again, but she wants to be able to get in touch with me if something huge happens like her Mom dies. I'm not sure how that is going to work.
So odds are pretty good that we will never speak again. I've destroyed all but two pictures, deleted her from my phone and palm, destroyed pretty much everything that reminds me of her. Stll I feel relatively unsatistfied and I think it is because I wanted a chance to explain to her how wrong she was/is or at least the hurt that I've been through. That's a common thing I think, the human condition or something like that, to want to explain your feelings. Anyway, since that eluded me I'm sort of stuck with it now. I'll probably end up calling Mark and talking to him about it.
In other news: I got the ram for Halo, holy shit that is a fun game. I can see why people get so thrown into FPS games. I'm probably going to play after I am done here.
I'm going to stop by Orlando and see Bo en route to nationals (I might have already posted that). Right now the trip encludes me, Jason, Martha, and LPS. It should be a great trip and hopefully I'll get into Disneyworld for free. It should also be great because Bo is a great person who I love spending time with. I'm kind of hoping that I can Bo alone some so that we can talk about this Mikki thing some. Bo is a very religous person, yet has a sightly different take on things. Ican't explain it well because I've never asked him too much. But he is very level headed and helpful some hopefully he'll and some light and catharsis to the situation.
More posts to come soon as I see how things are going in Colorado wish me luck (all of the 1 people that read this thing, anyway)
M
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