so there isn't any work to do here at work. it's pretty disheartening. hopefully i'll be able to make enough money to pay my rent..

O.k. so the final phone call with Mikki is over. When I last saw her she said that "we should talk sometime." Silly me that made me think that she wanted to talk, and probably soon. After not calling her out of some level of spite and "she's gotta call me first" mojo I decided that was somewhat childish and sent her and email explaining the situation. She called me and basically explained that she didn't have anything specific to talk about and her statement was more of a "if you need to talk to me go ahead" type of thing. Well don't I feel like an idiot.

We talked for a bit and then she had to leave, I didn't say bye because I wasn't sure of what type of goodbye to give. Here's why:

I know the way that I work well enough to know that I'm not great at keeping in touch with people (mental note write a card to my cousins), especially ex-girlfriends. Since I was the dumped one in this scenario, I'm the one left with the "what went wrong" feeling, which means that I can't really talk with her without being reminded of what once was and wondering why it isn't anymore. This is all shit that will go away with time. Enter problem 1, I don't know how long, or where I will be when this all washes, and until then it is painful to be in touch with Mikki, so how are we going to be in touch down the road, after addresses and numbers have changed?

She asked why I was so quiet and I told her. That's when in sunk in for her that by breaking up she had drastically changed the relationship, in more ways than she had thought. She was prepared for the usual, we won't go to movies, won't make out stuff. But she hadn't queued into the, when life moves on for either one of us, the other might not be around anymore. So then there was a long conversation that basically ended with an understanding that odds are we will never speak again, but she wants to be able to get in touch with me if something huge happens like her Mom dies. I'm not sure how that is going to work.

So odds are pretty good that we will never speak again. I've destroyed all but two pictures, deleted her from my phone and palm, destroyed pretty much everything that reminds me of her. Stll I feel relatively unsatistfied and I think it is because I wanted a chance to explain to her how wrong she was/is or at least the hurt that I've been through. That's a common thing I think, the human condition or something like that, to want to explain your feelings. Anyway, since that eluded me I'm sort of stuck with it now. I'll probably end up calling Mark and talking to him about it.

In other news: I got the ram for Halo, holy shit that is a fun game. I can see why people get so thrown into FPS games. I'm probably going to play after I am done here.

I'm going to stop by Orlando and see Bo en route to nationals (I might have already posted that). Right now the trip encludes me, Jason, Martha, and LPS. It should be a great trip and hopefully I'll get into Disneyworld for free. It should also be great because Bo is a great person who I love spending time with. I'm kind of hoping that I can Bo alone some so that we can talk about this Mikki thing some. Bo is a very religous person, yet has a sightly different take on things. Ican't explain it well because I've never asked him too much. But he is very level headed and helpful some hopefully he'll and some light and catharsis to the situation.

More posts to come soon as I see how things are going in Colorado wish me luck (all of the 1 people that read this thing, anyway)

M

Hmmm . . . for some reason blogger looks different now than it did before. There are multiple frames showing information. Before there was only one. I wonder what changed?

Anyway, here are the two reasons that Assassins kick ass:

1. They can teleport anywhere within 5 square radius, regarless of what is in the way.

2. Last Breath - normal percentages (70%0 at an opponent's side) and if you hit your opponent dies.

That is what being an Assassin is really about. Teleporting in, and killing your target.

For those that can't tell I've been playing Final Fantasy Tactics Advance . . . a lot.


With all that being said, I did more house keeping today, which was good. I handled main mostly, in an attempt to get all of the shit off of my keyboard so I can actually use it again.

Oh, I also stole a video card from Rich, which enables me to play Halo. It runs a little sluggish right now, so I think I am going to go pick up some ram tomorrow and see if that speeds things up.

Finally, I grabbed the Google toolbar for IE. Normally I am opposed to seldom used add-ons, however when I came back from Colorado my computer had this pop-up issue going on. Rich said that this google toolbar has a pop-up blocker. He's right, however only if I have IE versioun 5.5+. So then I had to get IE 6 because I couldn't find IE 5.5. in between turns of FFTA. With all of that done, I have yet to have pop-up problems, which is good. I do have less realestate on my screen, which is bad, but at least it supports google, which I am all for.

M

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarararhhrrrrrrrhrararhharragh!

ack!

so this is my third attempt to complain about the tabbed blogger format (which i'm currently using on a terminal with which i am unfamiliar) and how it's vastly inferior to the framed format and how it sucks and how i can't make it do what i want it to do and how it is an utter piece of shit. evidently it appears not to like what i have to say very much. my previous posts were more eloquent, but they were eaten.

fuck.

I'm just daying it would be nice to get the admin rights from Matt and tack some more people onto this forum. Just sayin'.

here, here!

matt, i am willing you to read this (with my mind!) and then do something about it. you have two options:
1) do as martin says
2) become a contributor to this motherfucker and do as martin says

... will, will ...

Well, catharsis was achieved, without drinking a lot of gasoline. I was able to torch almost everything. What was funny was that many postcards and virthday type cards don't burn very well. You have to get a big inferno going so that they catch under the massive heat. If you just sit there and try to light them it doesn't work.

The stupid thing is the next day Mikki calls me because she wants to return a shirt and tie that she had of mine. No problem she comes over, gives me my stuff and then on the way out says we should talk sometime. That fucking sucks. I'm fine with talking to her, because I'm stillin love with her, but now the ball is back in her court because I'm thinking about her more. It's fucking with my training for nationals because I'm not as focused as I should be. Shit.

In other news, I'm trying to get new cleats, but am having a hard time finding good cleats. I'm about to drive up 400 to Mansell road to a sports authority that is rumored to have good cleats in a box inthe back, near a guy named Tony that you have to wink at while pulling on your lapel to get him to talk to you. I guess the smart thing would be to call ahead, but I don't think Tony can see you do the secret signs unless you are there in person.

I also am leaning more and more to moving to colorado. It looks like the jobs with Nike and Reebok aren't going to happen. So this job in Colorado is all I've got aside from going back to school. It will be strange to uproot myself from home like that. The money isn't great, but I can get by. The real kicker is I need to get by AND be putting money into saving every month. If I'm not doing that they I'll need to get more money somehow. It does mean that I'll be moving to Colorado for the cold months, which I'm not too down with, but atleast I'll see snow. It will also help because then this forum will mean a bit more. IT is silly that only Jeremy and I are on this, yet we see each other every few days. Not that I'm bailing or anything. I'll be here until I don't have a connection or am dead. I'm just daying it would be nice to get the admin rights from Matt and tack some more people onto this forum. Just sayin'.

M

well, martin, look no further. carthasis is, after all, my middle name. if you haven't already torched the posessions of yours that need it, i'll help. and if at all possible, we'll try to jerry-rig a flame thrower (even if it's just us drinking gasoline and lighting our pee). also, i have this lampshade here that's in pieces and has been desperately needing a project to get it back into shape. i don't know if you want anything artsy-fartsy or just a temp thing so we can throw those photocopied snapshots in the (towering inferno) cesspool, but what with you not having a job, i don't see why you couldn't make something a little nice. you never do anything nice for me.

jeremy catharsis barrett

GRINDING: It seems to be coming up as a style of life/events more and more. Not to mention a good adjective.

When talking to Ewald about Rival the subject always comes up that we are a griding team. Maybe he's watched Rounders one too many times, or maybe he is making a statement that our game only works in that spectrum, hard to tell. Grinding, for those who aren't away is the prcosses of adopting the most simple game plan with the fewest risks. You minimize your risks and losses, win the battles you can and don't put too much on the line. Apparently it works in poker, and after a heated arguement it can work in ultimate too. I've been reading a post on RSD about hucking teams versus "grinding" teams. These grinding teams (E-Pig, DoG, etc.) will make 100 passes a game, never taking a risky throw. The huckers (Conder, Furious, etc.) will put the disk on the line because they know that their height/athleticism will win in the long run.

After our arguement I realized that Eric sees the game as one uber-game where the right decision (huck or dump) is always taken based on percentages. The huckers are actually taking a "high percentage" throw by chucking it deep because they will get it more often than not. I still perfer the big game because it is more exciting, however I do see the benefit of the maddeningly short game. That's one way that grinding has come into play in the past few weeks.

The other, silly second way was that we trekked to tuscaloosa to hang out with Emily and wooley for their homecoming. Times were good, and interesting. The crew was Drew, Eric, Evil, Kat (his wife), and myself. Eric was the champion of the event making out with a player from the U of A team. Kudos to Eric for that one. We player a lot of flipcup, which was a shame because I finished of my 6 pack of cider within and hour as a result. At one point Drew and I were wandering around Tuscaloosa trying to find a good party. It was only 2 in the morning and the city had shut down. Not cool. You know in retrospect that didn't have much to do with grinding, except for Eric grinding all up and down that girl (jen).

Oh, I guess we could call my current love affair with Final Fantasy Tactics Advance grinding. Every second I'm awake I am playing that game. I'm playing with my toes right now.

Hmmm . . . final piece of lifes happenings. For some reason the break-up with Mikki is hitting me hard for the past week. I have been trying to get her the TV back, so I've had to call her a bunch, but she is never in. I also feel bad because of her other torn ACL. Life sucks. I guess I am trying to put closure on the whole thing by cutting her out of every aspect of life. It is a shame because I really do love that girl, and it really fucking sucks that I lose out because I'm not a CCF joining, church retreat goin uberchristian. It has helped me get back to some roots a bit, and I had a much better time in tuscaloosa single than I would have if I still had a girlfriend, but that doesn't make it up. I'm trying to find a job, and I have a poorly funded lead back in Colorado. I spoke to my boss out there and he is helping me with the Nike thing a bit. Getting a job would really help with the closure of this relationship. Speaking of which, I think I am going to try to get rid of the TV right now. After that I can donate the sutffed animals, burn the letters and card and that should be it. I still need a new fucking lamp smade, you have no idea how big and issue that is.

M

so i'm back from the bandwidth-deprived florida panhandle. although, besides not being able to gorge myself on the internet(r), the entire thing rocked my face off. despite its appearance to the uninitiated, mn's family is one huge dysfunctional wackiness. my favorite. things are a little different in southern families though. ask me about it in person, though, just in case there is anyone reading this who may be offended (or if anyone's reading it..). but we got down on wed and worked like fucking slaves until saturday when everyone and everything came together for a blowout feast and party. my mom was there too, so it was almost like my family reunion. she had a real good time too, which is cool.

i'm thinking of putting together an explanation of the whole mn's family reunion deal cause it's a great story, but i enjoy telling it so much that it might be better to do that than hand out business cards that say 'hear all about it on mnsbigassfamily.net' -- we'll see.

meanwhile, back in the real world, i'm employed. which is pretty cool. unfortunately i'm still quite in the dark about the particulars. yesterday was my first day, which consisted of me finding out what i'd be doing (though that took some detective work) and attending a (long) meeting called 'service delivery meeting'. it's the prototype for some new weekly meeting to see where everyone and everyproject is at so far this week. between those two meetings i sat at my desk practicing for when i'd actually be working (since before i can start some other people have to do some things ...) and waiting for my employment contract to arrive so i would know when the fuck i'm supposed to do this work.

well, after the ServiDel (i made that up) meeting it was well past 5 and i went to ask dood who is in charge of me immediately what was up with the contract business. he was like 'oh, yeah, not ready' which was cool, but when i asked what i was supposed to do until stuff was ready for me to work on, he was like ... 'don't come in, i guess' so wednesday i'm going in to sign the (this time it'll be ready, i swear) contract and then do question mark until thur at 1030 when i have my first ever conference call.

all in all, i'm very glad to be working and making money, but this job turned really quickly into a very dilbert-esque position. i'm not at all prepared for that. working at a nonprofit, to me, meant coming in wearing a hawaiian shirt and slamming out what i needed to slam out while listening to npr or some such. instead it's just like the corporate world. sigh.

And then there were 5 . . . Atlanta teams going to Nationals. Well, I made it so I get ot go to the big dance again. Unfortunately it was not a good weekend for my team, as we played many close games that shouldn't have been. The one really good game we had was the only chance we got at a game to go, so at least that worked out. Atlanta tore up the womens division taking both bids. Chain eeked into the third spot to go after losing two bad games. The ironic thing is that if it wasn't for Chain's performance lase year at naionals there wouldn't have been a third bid. But all that doesn't matter, being unemployed and dumped doesn't matter. All that matters is by the end of the month I'll be back on the big stage play at the best tournament in the world. Yea!

M

Zelda: Windwaker is done and done again. All the pics, all the tingle statues, all the extra shit and the second quest completed so that is that. I guess that still leaves GT3 to finish up, as well as Ocarina and Rayman 3.

Aside from that there isn't much going on. I got to hang out with Jason and his friend Kelly tonight, which was great. It is fun to see how over the years my friendship with JAson has changed, but stayed strong. And I'm glad to be hanging out with his friends.

I guess I have also had some time to thing about my being single. It is definetely for the best that I not be out and about trying to date right now. There are too many questions as to where I am going to be. But with that in mind it is certainly difficult sometimes not having someone to share stuff with. Ultimate is keeping me busy enough that I'm not noticing too often, however it still creeps in at times. It doesn't help that both Rich and Mike have girlfriends now, leaving me the lone bachelor. But whatever, the important thing now is that I finish my masters, get a job and figure life out a bit more.

Speaking of which, I got an email back from my Aussie boss in Colorado. He basically told me that it would be a good idea to look overseas for work/schooling because things are so much more applied in other countries. In the US sport science is a very research/academic persuit so there aren't many jobs (especially non-faculty jobs). This is not the case overseas. So I am putting thought into that, however not getting very far. It would be a major lifestyle change to try to move countries. I would need a really good situation for me to feel comfortable with it. Plus, as I realize that ultimate IS my girlfriend in many ways, the disc in other countries just isn't that good. Sure, I could get on national teams, but that doesn't get you respect. It is like playing overseas basketball, you still dream about playing in the NBA. I would get to go to worlds, but never as a contender and I don't know if I am down with that.

Regionals is this weekend, and I am very excited. We're going in 4th after a poor performance at sectionals, but that is no matter. We can run with any team in our region, and have an offense that is super consistent. If we play well and value the disc on defense we will take the 1st seed. But at the same time, if we slip we could drop to 4th quickly and that means we aren't going to nationals and I am not ready for that.

M

Sometimes I think Jeremy and I are just playing ping pong on this thing. Writing posts as if other were reading it when in reality it is only ourselve going back and forth. Other times I pretend that I am Gabe from Penny Arcade.

So, in delay, Jeremy's bulldog approach has been quite the inspiration in the job department. I've applied and been monitoring a job for Nike and a job for Reebok for some time now. Neither has been filled, and I could own both of those positions were I given a chance. The problem is the application process for both is onlne, so they don't give you an email or a phone number to respond to. Sucks. I really want to call up Nike and tell them to patch me through to the "we want jobs" department and start explaining how I'm the coolest person ever, and hiring me will immediately give everyone a hot boyfriend/girlfriend. For the time being I will wait patiently, but if those jobs don't dissapear on those websites (hopefully through a phonecall to me) soon then I will erupt.

In other news, the video game process has slowed a bit. Jeremy hasn't been over in a while, I'm hoping because this job is keeping him busy, and I'm o.k. with that. I've gotten all of the extras in SC2 and am now forum diving to learn new tricks. I had forgotten how large the SC following is and how silly forums can ("Taki's a red bitch that twiddle's herself with her sword"? really. c'mon guys what does that have to do to with anything). There are good things in these forums, however I need a Stupid Filter (tm) at times. Zelda:Windwaker is soooooo close to being done I can taste it. Originally I was waiting for jeremy, but with his current employed state I think I will have to finish it alone. There is only one series race left in GT3, then all the races will be done. Don't talk to me about the percentage or I will hit you. I now need to go to jury duty. I'll post again when I get back with more stuff.

M